The Voice of Truth Says "This Is for My Glory"

When we ran our day camps this summer in Toronto, our team of interns each had a teaching day on a certain topic. Wednesday’s theme was prayer. One of the things we talked about is how our natural reactions in the face of hard situations are usually not pretty: gossip, complaining, blaming, fighting back, panicking. We called this “picking up your sticks and stones.” But what we were teaching them was how these things only fuel problems, not extinguish them. We need to pray, because prayer is our powerful weapon; we ask God to fight our battles for us.

I feel like I am in the middle of a battlefield. The playing field? My life. And I cannot fight. I am the battlefield, so I need to have someone fight on my behalf. I need Someone to fight for me.

And praise God, He has given me the strength to run in the right direction. Instead of turning to malicious gossip or fighting or drinking or boys or any other thing I have used in the past to confront or avoid problems, I’ve given it to God. This finally gives me a picture of what “turn the other cheek” is really about. I am being forced to literally say: “Okay, you slapped me good. Ouch. That really hurts. ...Now here’s the rest I have to offer, here’s your opportunity to slap that out of me too. I promise I won’t fight back.” I feel like I am finally learning the meaning of true humility.

God spent all summer humbling me, and now it is being put to the test. But ultimately I need to keep in mind through everything that my ultimate authority is the Father, and He is who I take my directions from. So if He asks me to submit, I submit; if He tells me to cut my losses and get out, I do so. It’s my summer’s pattern all over again: learning to respond to God, whether He says go or stay.

This is also forcing me to really live out my newest mantra: is this for the glory of God? If not, sorry I’m out of here. In every situation.

This is by no means the most difficult period of life that I have faced (see blogs September 2009 through June 2010), but it is for sure the most personally challenging. It’s about self-discipline and setting healthy boundaries and giving everything to God. I have no other choice. This is the place I was in anyway, but now it’s an extreme. I do not know what to do.

I feel trapped all over again.