Right now I'm sitting in the Phoenix airport, waiting to take off. Less than an hour to go.
I can't wait to be home! I've missed the snow and the cold and the rain, and the fam and my cats and Youth Church, and school and all the people that come with. People down here don't believe me, and I'm sure a lot at home won't agree either, but blue sky from horizon to horizon for days on end is depressing! Something is missing when I wake up in the morning and already know exactly what will greet me out the front door.
It rains in Phoenix approximately two days out of the year; it rained yesterday. All the locals are walking around with giant coats on, gloves, earmuffs!, and everything else we would normally use for a below zero day. It was still fifteen degrees outside. I didn't realize until then exactly how much I missed the rain.
Last night I went to a service at the Phoenix Dream Center, It was amazing! Not the speaking or the singing or the sheer size of the building, but the people. There was an entire section of people brought in from a nearby penitentiary, all dressed in the same bright red shirts, and they were jumping and singing bigger and louder than anyone else in the building. Ages ranged from young teenagers to people in their seventies. I couldn't believe all the different people that were brought together through all the different ministries the Dream Center provided. Incredible.
On my trip I bought: a dress, a skirt, two shirts, sunglasses, shoes, plus some random stuff. And guess how much it cost me? ...$20!! Only $20 on my whole trip. Amazing. I love America (but not really, just their prices/stores; yay Forever21!).
So probably going to be boarding in the next fifteen minutes, and I've never been so excited to go home. Yes, this was a growing process. I learned a heck of a lot! I just reached the point where one more second and I would have exploded.
Off I head, back to the country where I'm of age for anything I could possibly want to do (whether I actually would or not), weather is normal and I can actually relax. Ohhh baby, I'm comin' home!
So it's a brand new year, and I'm still here. New Year's Eve was the hottest day yet: 22 degrees celsius. Not that I'm complaining...a lot. My body just longs for snow and the wood fireplace and humidity of some kind.
I guess I could be updating on what I've been doing and going into great detail on golf, swimming (in a pool that is hotter than the air outside. It's gross), and my amazing shopping exploits, but the most amazing thing I've experienced here is a new desire to know God more.
I'd be lying if I said that my relationship with God has been good lately. In fact, it seems like ever since I went to Bible College our friendship has been suffering (go figure). And by the time I left to come here, I felt hopeless that we could ever get back to the way we were.
Yet, as I'm in this place trying to figure out my junk and other people's junk, I feel the strongest pull to God I've ever felt. I'm desperate to get closer to Him again, I just don't know how. I'm starting with the basics, though. Getting back to reading my bible daily is a must. Talking to Him at every possible moment has to turn into a habit again. Walking every step for His glory needs to be at the top of my priorities.
I have no idea how long this process will take. My greatest hope is that I will take from this dry season lessons learned, and it won't ever again take a time of pulling away to put me back where I belong with my Father.
So, to start off the new year, I'm not making a typical resolution: silly attempts to lose weight or become something unattainable too quickly, only to be defeated by the mere thought within the first few weeks. I am striving for so much more. I am putting my hope and trust in God, resting in Him and trusting that He knows far better than I do what is best for me.
This picture looks almost identical to a picture I took today, except it wasn't at sunrise. This leads me to believe one of two things:
a. It was taken at the same location I was at today, or
b. It was taken freaking anywhere in Arizona because every cactus and horizon and desert space look exactly the same!
Today we went to a Greek Orthodox monastery. To be honest, I didn't really want to go. Mostly I just didn't know what to expect, and the dress is less than to be desired (oh, didn't I mention that I went to stay in an Amish community?). But I can honestly say that I don't remember the last time I felt as at peace as I did in that place. Fountains everywhere, beautiful architecture, art and decor all from Greece, and the most amazing vegetation I've ever seen. Everything smelled wonderful, and even the children sensed the need to walk softly and speak in whispers. In that moment I considered becoming a nun.
But who am I kidding?
It really was amazing, though. Despite the migraine. I've had a near-constant migraine since the night I got here, and I can't shake it. I think it has to do with a combo of random eating times and blinding sunshine.
Tomorrow is pool day. We're going to sit by the pool all day because it's supposed to reach about 20 celsius, and I'm going to finish my Holy Spirit book. That's the goal. I've also been told that I don't need to bother shaving my legs because everyone here is so old they won't be able to tell anyway. This is def my kind of place.
Despite the constantly beautiful weather (I haven't seen a cloud yet) and the t-shirt temperatures, I miss snow. My body isn't cut out for warm winters. As much as I'm enjoying the rest, I can't wait to get back.
So, I arrived. On time, no major catastrophes to report, nothing lost in the shuffle, no limbs out of place. Why was I so worried?
Oh...yeah.
It's hot here. Hot as in going to White Rock at the end of August: still warm, but you can feel winter coming on. And there are no clouds anywhere. As far as the eye can see. There are cacti and palm trees everywhere (covered in lights, absolutely ridiculous). It's crazy. And there's nothing. Everywhere I look, nothing. Why anyone would live here, I cannot fathom.
Today I ate real Mexican food, went to a Mormon Temple, and saw a massive tumbleweed Christmas tree (like I said, ridiculous).
I don't really know what else to say about it. Except that the dog is crazy. Ummm....?
This is my first blog in forever and I have nothing else to say. Maybe I've gone crazy. That is my latest thought. That I must be crazy to think the way I do.
I guess I'll update soon. I guess?
Next Saturday I leave for Arizona, and I haven't quite decided how I feel about it yet.
I'm going to visit someone who I've only seen once, very briefly, in the last three years because of a...disagreement. I guess that's the best word to describe it. I love this person very much, but she always tests the limits of my patience in every area.
I was originally staying less than a week, but now it's nine days. My dad tried to tell me that maybe it's not the best idea; once I'm there, I'm stuck. But, because I feel peace about it, I'm going in trusting God that He will be with me and guide my words and actions so that, at least for my part, I can know I tried my best.
Maybe it appears that I'm only going into this with a bad attitude, but that's not actually the case at all. I'm very excited, just scared that... well, to tell the truth, I have no idea what I'm so scared of. Myself, possibly? Every time I go somewhere new, I wonder if my self will grow or struggle as a result.
My highest hopes are that this will be an opportunity to lay aside all stress and just relax to my fullest potential. My body is still in go-mode, and I'd really like to lay back and enjoy the break while I have it. And I want to mend this broken relationship. There are past hurts that need to be addressed, and I would really like to have all of that taken care of when I get back.
So, here goes. I'm setting out on an adventure with no clue as to how it will turn out.
Am I scared? Yes. Terrified? Pretty much. Going anyway? Absolutely.
