DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM

New year. New month. New day. It's really too bad that I cannot separate 2012 from the idea of doomsday. Ugh. I have such a good feeling about this year that goes completely against that idea. I have that nervous feeling in my stomach when I think about it (the year, not the end of the world) - like right before I go on stage and I know that I know my lines, but who knows what will happen? - and there is so many possibilities and corners and opportunities for triumph and failure that it makes my knees weak. So much can change in a year. I never imagined I would be here this time last year; this, right here, is a dream come true (believe it or not) in so many ways. God has blessed me abundantly, and I know it's only going to continue (whether I recognize it or not).

Resolutions? Not many. They're more 'heart' things than 'do' things. I would love to be a more generous, encouraging, uplifting person by this time next year; there should be a marked difference in my thoughts, words and actions. Of course there's always the desire to eat right and exercise, but I think, at this point at least, that my heart matters more.

Phoenix Day 7

So it's a brand new year, and I'm still here. New Year's Eve was the hottest day yet: 22 degrees celsius. Not that I'm complaining...a lot. My body just longs for snow and the wood fireplace and humidity of some kind.

I guess I could be updating on what I've been doing and going into great detail on golf, swimming (in a pool that is hotter than the air outside. It's gross), and my amazing shopping exploits, but the most amazing thing I've experienced here is a new desire to know God more.

I'd be lying if I said that my relationship with God has been good lately. In fact, it seems like ever since I went to Bible College our friendship has been suffering (go figure). And by the time I left to come here, I felt hopeless that we could ever get back to the way we were.

Yet, as I'm in this place trying to figure out my junk and other people's junk, I feel the strongest pull to God I've ever felt. I'm desperate to get closer to Him again, I just don't know how. I'm starting with the basics, though. Getting back to reading my bible daily is a must. Talking to Him at every possible moment has to turn into a habit again. Walking every step for His glory needs to be at the top of my priorities.

I have no idea how long this process will take. My greatest hope is that I will take from this dry season lessons learned, and it won't ever again take a time of pulling away to put me back where I belong with my Father.

So, to start off the new year, I'm not making a typical resolution: silly attempts to lose weight or become something unattainable too quickly, only to be defeated by the mere thought within the first few weeks. I am striving for so much more. I am putting my hope and trust in God, resting in Him and trusting that He knows far better than I do what is best for me.