On Tuesday, June 22nd I embarked on a solo roadtrip through the land of America. Three days, five States, and four thousand kilometres of thoughts and journaling and just...being.
I have wanted to do something like this for years, head out on the open road with no need or reason to ever go back, but I have never needed it the way I needed to escape this time. Years of repressing my wants and smiling away my desires to pacify others’ finally broke me; my wants suddenly became needs and I had to escape. I had tons of ideas for where to go and what my trip would look like, but eventually I decided to go as basic as possible. Armed with a cooler, GPS named Jamie, and the bare essentials, I set out at 8 A.M. with Cameron’s bumper pointed South.
I’ve driven the I-5 dozens of times, but as soon as I was turned East, I could feel my entire body relax and my mind start to unwind. It’s been a tough year, and with each new situation things have only become tougher. My life and all its happenings have compounded into a mass that just weighs on my shoulders. Lately, new hurts have only made me harder and harder, and I had finally hardened myself against hurt to the point where I was shutting everyone out, including God.
Yet, suddenly, I found myself in the middle of Him. Within the space of about two hours I drove through forest, amazing mountains, rolling desert and wine country. With no radio and nothing to distract myself with other than my own thoughts, I couldn’t fight Him off for long. I couldn’t help exclaiming at His works and the beauty He had brought about out of nothing. Incredible.
Being completely in love with God, needing to share Him, being passionate for Him in all situations...that’s what it’s all about. It comes out as “exclamations of the soul.”
I still didn’t really talk to God about anything, just marvelled at His creations and did a lot of thinking. A big part of my frustration lately is that I can barely recollect most of what has happened in the last year or so, and so I decided to make sure I do not repeat history by making a list of must-dos for the year to come.
10 things I have to make happen before my next birthday.
- Learn how to make fried chicken.
- Finish writing a novel (I always start and get sick of it and quit. No matter how bad it is, I just need to finish it!).
- Read the first quarter of my book list (I recently made a list of 100 books I have to read before any others, besides school ones of course).
- Visit at least 10 States / Provinces I’ve never been to before.
- Plant and grow spices at home.
- Learn to knit with Grandma.
- Give blood and sign up as an organ donor.
- Swim in a lake, an ocean, and a river.
- Memorize the book of Romans completely.
- Watch all the movies I own.
As I was writing, however, I kept coming up with things that I absolutely could not let myself do, and so I decided to make a list of those as well. Oh, and yes I was driving and writing at the same time.
10 things I won’t do!
- Get pregnant from a sperm donor (I know this sounds ridiculous and obvious, but it has been suggested to me several times by several different people. I will not give in to the peer pressure!).
- Gain more than 10 pounds (I’m currently trying to gain weight, but I also don’t want to over-do it).
- Bungee jump until my back is actually better.
- Get my Class 1 License (it’s for driving semis), no matter how much I want it.
- Settle.
- Move back in with my parents.
- Make excuses for not taking a Sabbath.
- Slack on my homework. I want to learn this year!
- Begrudge happy couples.
- Complain that I’m single (hold me to it!); God has a plan and I’ve decided to trust.
As I drove, I passed a sign that said: “45th Parallel: half way between the Equator and the North Pole.” Brilliant! And then another sign announcing that I was only 27 miles outside of Bliss.
I am currently 27 miles from Bliss.
And it gave me hope. Bliss is out there, even if it’s still too far to see.
I was also thinking a lot about relationships, and something someone told me awhile ago: that any two Christians could get married and make it work.
As Christians we can make it work with anyone, but I don’t think we should have to. We work at it, but it’s God who makes it work. We need to consider our passions, gifts, desires and callings...not just if we have similar taste in music and ethnic food and competitive beach volleyball.
After fifteen and a half hours, I reached my destination: Blackfoot, Idaho. I got comfy on my backseat in the Wal-Mart parking lot and had one of the best sleeps ever (that was not in my own bed). Brilliant!
