How Can I Stand Here with You and not Be Moved by You?

What is pressing on my mind? Marriage, surprisingly (or not so much, considering I'm currently in a marriage class).

I have had a recent realization that blows the lid off everything I thought I thought about marriage: I have never before connected my ideal marriage situation to the person I am currently dating.

Wow.

I'm not dating now, nor do I want to, but there are always possibilities floating in the periphery of my satisfied single state. Yesterday I found myself thinking about what it would be like to end up with this one guy, and I was suddenly shocked to realize that I was interested despite how little he resembles the man I know I need. I'm not talking about nit-picky things like toothpaste squeezing technique or what colour hair he has or if his hands are bigger than mine; I'm talking about the absolute essentials. He has to have a heart for full-time ministry! That one is a no-brainer, and if I let go of that one I have already sold myself out. He has to love God more than me. He has to be crazy PASSIONATE about things, not just float through life complacent with sort of liking some general things that make good small talk. And he has to be just plain crazy to want a house full of kids and me.

I know these things. In the deepest recesses of my heart I know these things, yet when a guy is pursuing me I forget to hold him up against these things. I get caught up in whether or not he makes me laugh, on the colour of his eyes or the way his singing makes me melt. I forget how precious my heart is and how easily it can be broken by anyone but whoever the one will be. I forget how high my standards are when some guy with a killer smile looks my way.

It's pathetic!

In the words of Randy Remington, Tom Gardiner, and whoever else will most likely tell me in the next few days (keeping in true form, as God always does): "Choose wisely."