Where Are You, Christmas?

Christmas is now less than 23 days away. And once again, I find myself single.

This will be my fourth consecutive without-a-man Christmas. I'd far rather, times a million kabillion, be single over Valentine's Day than the holiday which takes over the entire last half of December. No other holiday in our culture takes up so much time, money or energy. 1/24th of our year (if you're a late shopper; if you're an early go-getter, then possibly up to 1/12th of your year) is consumed with gift picking and giving, cooking and eating, celebrating and wishing we could take back about ten pounds of celebrating (unless you're me). And there is nothing more depressing than being alone this time of year.

Everywhere I go, it's cute couples bundled up in poofy coats with pretty scarves and matching mittens. They cuddle and hold their mittened hands, while walking along the anywhere they might be, looking at Christmas lights and dreaming of the future. Yet while they look ahead, they also know that in this particular moment, there is no where else they'd rather be than in that second with that person.

I miss that. I miss the knowledge that no matter what goes wrong during the holiday season, whether family spifts or gravy that gives everyone food poisoning, there is that one person who wants to spend every moment of it with me. Wow.

Christmas is about the birth of Jesus. Ultimately, that is all. Our culture has transformed it into a whirlwind of media pressure to eat, buy and live a certain way. Yet in the midst of both polar opposites, there is a beautiful little space filled with vanilla-scented candles and God-centered carols and softly drifting snow, topped off with the constant surrounding of everyone who loves us. That is the place I dwell in.

Let me rephrase. Christmas is not about being attached, and is not based on having a significant other to attend all festive functions with. But the truth is...I'm at a place in my life where I want to be with the person I'm supposed to be with already. I want to be sharing all of this with him.

I love this holiday. I love everything it represents and all the warm fuzzies that go with it. I'm just so tired of waking up to the snow and not having a special someone to pummel snowballs at me, and then care enough to wipe it out of my hair.