Piece of Pie

I'm basically the funniest person I know. That isn't meant to sound prideful, so if I come off that way just ignore it.

People who laugh at their own jokes are a dime a dozen, so I don't try to pretend that makes me special in any way. But tell me this: how many people do you know who laugh at a joke as it's forming in their head to the point where you wonder if you'll ever get around to hearing it? Exactly. That's how funny I am.

The witty remarks that frequent my mouth are so deliciously original that I often tell myself that I should have a personal slave to follow me around and record every word I speak. That way, none of my brilliance will go to waste on the unobservant and those who have been ravaged by society and are no longer touched by humour.

My brilliance, however, has been slowly deteriorating with old age and I'm beginning to fear that I may lose my cleverness altogether in no time at all. To fight time and its evil plan to rid me of my magic powers, I plan to simply live forever. Starting...now. Ha. Now I will forever be at least this funny, if not more so. I have the rest of eternity to grow my laughability powers to the point where I could take over the world based solely on said powers (and that's not even taking into account my superior beauty and breathless charm).

Oh, and did I also mention that I ooze humble pie?


UPDATE:

I thought I'd post an example of exactly how funny I am. Just for the record, all quotes are only approximate because my memory ain't what it used to be (re: getting old).

J: Hey, can I buy you some sleeves sometime?
L: Is that a come on?
J: No, you just never have sleeves.
L: I've never heard that pick-up line before.
R: You know Leanne, not everyone wants you.
L: Oh, I know. There's married people and children.


Update number 2:

This was far too good to not post!

L: (speaks vaguely about someone with potential)
R: That's filthy!
L: Yeah it is.
R: No, not the good kind of filthy.
L: There's only bad filthy.
R: No, the productive kind.
L: Don't you mean reproductive?