I'm a Big Kid Now

When I grow up, I don't want to be famous, have groupies, or anything else the Pussycat Dolls try to imprint on impressionable minds. In fact, I'd rather not have more than enough money, be photoshopped until I'm not me anymore to be on the cover of a magazine, or not be able to walk down the street without being recognized. Now don't get me wrong, nice cars and seeing the world would be really nice, but that's just not where my heart's at right now.

I want to grow old. And not sitting alone in a pile of cash, while my plastic face slowly melts to my feet and my tattoos sag until you can't tell what they are anymore; I don't want to have everything the world can offer, but have no one in the world to remember the good times with because I spent all my time trying to have good times instead of letting them happen. I want my face to be scattered in laugh lines and permanently creased from the times that made life worth living. I'd love to be covered in scars from all the times I took chances, not all the times I was too hammered to walk properly.

And the older I get, the cooler I want to get, not the other way around. Of course I'll have purple hair by the time I'm fifty (who really wants to spend all that money dying their hair to cover the greys, only to have it look natural? Ugh), learn to salsa and breakdance, and definitely go skydiving every chance I get. I'll go to bingo every Thursday and play the real way, with dobbers instead of machines. Best of all, I'm going to be the kind of grandma who bakes cookies and cake and those cute little custard things ALL THE TIME!

I know this isn't my usual, but it's just been hitting me so hard lately all the things I want, and everything I can definitely live without. I'd rather be in love and in debt than gloriously rich and full of regret. I want a house that's always full of laughter and Lucky Charms. And best of all, I never want to look back and wish I had done something different. I will never let myself live in the past...or without bingo.