And It's Not Hard to Fall

I have about a thousand things to say and no photo that will represent them so that I can shut up and stop trying to voice what is actually no more than a picture in my head. I want things. Big things. I want passionate things and me being passionate about them. I want to say the things on my mind, knowing full well that I mean them, and not be afraid of people forgetting to take me seriously (or worse, remembering). I want those things that are too big and scary to say out loud, but that I ache for in ways I don't understand. I want to look at myself and love what I see, or at least be able to tell myself what I would rather see instead of this insane lack of knowing why I don't want what I have or any of the options for change. I want to always know the difference between something worth fighting, lying, flying, pushing, dying for and something that's not even worth the breath it takes to mildly disagree. I want to put my talential-ADD aside on behalf of just one thing and get brilliantly good at it, not because it naturally comes to me but because I worked my butt off. Just one thing. I want to come across meaning in the moment, but not spend so much time trying to find it that I miss out on what God's trying to say on a grander scale. I want to know myself in Him before I try to learn anything else about Him; I am so sick of the things I know and the things I debate that lead me no closer to Him or the person I need to be. I want to love with a passion and desire that scares me until death.