That's the Way I Loved You

Today I slept. Period. I woke up for brunch, went back to sleep, and woke up for dinner. I planned to do five hours of homework, but instead read 50 pages from one book.

I am slipping into old patterns. I am not who I want to be.

You were wild and crazy.

I am shutting down; not of my own volition, but by nature. I have stopped being in control, I think.

Just so frustrating.

I had months go by that never imprinted in my memory. I call them the "dark days." I am beginning to see echoes and it's scary.

Intoxicating.

I need something to excite me to full consciousness before it is too late. I need to feel alive.

Got away by some mistake.

One day I will stop blogging again, too. That will signal defeat. Not of my own volition, but by nature; self-preservation will have kicked in and it will be too late.