Your Love Is Extravagant

Today is one of those rare days that I truly feel at peace. My word for it is usually "zen" (despite the negative religious conotations) because when I say zen, I feel zen. You feel me? ...But either way you slice it, it's still peace.

It's that kind of day that comes along once, twice, three times a year - or maybe I'm just the only one who suffers from a complex that leaves me needing to be in control and unwilling to hand things off to God, despite His obviously superior skills - and just catches me by surprise.

I love surprises! But, as anyone who knows me well knows, I am extremely hard to surprise. I always wreck the surprise for myself (maybe my brain has too many synapses...or is that even possible?) because I analyze the frankincense out of every situation. I cannot just be.

But today. Oh, today. I just...was. And God surprised me. I found myself in the bathroom after a long day of work and sadness at Germany's unexpected surrender just when they were getting good at taking over (my gosh, it's a pattern!) and treadmilling to get a truffle and I was sweaty and humid and just getting out of the shower when it hit me: I am going to be okay. If I never get married and never have kids (that one came out slow and hurt a little) and never start another church...it'll be okay. I will probably cry and complain at some point, but at this moment I know it'll be alright.

"Whom have I in heaven but Thee? And besides Thee, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever" (Psalm 73:25,26).

Bam! Heaven isn't worth getting to if my goal isn't Him; at the end of it all, my portion of the inheritance is only Him. "And besides Thee, I desire nothing on earth;" that one hits hard. To desire nothing but Him...it sounds impossible, but I get it. Not the logical me, but the soul me. Deep down I think I might be beginning to understand.