Maybe We're Better Off this Way, We're Better Off this Way

I feel like this should be one of my classic "Re:" blogs, as I have a strong feeling I had to write one like this just last year and could probably have written a dozen in the meantime.

Seventeen days ago I left for Toronto and welcomed it; the opportunity to finally change things was exactly what I needed. I have done devotions every day and worked out almost as often. I have also been working on healing my heart and allowing God to change the ugly things inside of me. As with most people I know, I am not always the person I want to be nor do I always act in accordance with the moral regulations I try my best to stand by. I am not perfect.

So. I am allowing God to change my heart and actively working at forgiving myself and others...only to find that others are not as forgiving. Rumours are going around and, as usual, no one likes to check facts. Yes some of it is probably true and I am not proud of everything I've done, but as already stated I am not perfect. I wish I could take a lot of things back but I cannot. However, I know a lot of it is not even true. And that is hard to swallow.

But...in the spirit of trying to change, in the active progression of becoming sane instead of exploding in anger, I'm just going to stop there. I get so frustrated when I am not being allowed to change. I could completely change everything about me and it wouldn't matter...but, that's okay. It has to be. I'm changing for me and changing for God. There's nothing else I can do.

Home doesn't feel like a safe place to run back to anymore.