"If You Don't Hear from Me for a While, It's Not because I Don't Love You...It's because I Do"

I have been learning lately about what love really is.

Love for God
Love from God
Truly loving another human being

I guess Valentine's Day is coming up, but I only realized that after I started on this topic. I guess the truth is that I'm all out of love, so what am I without you? I think in lyrics lately. Quotes sometimes, but mostly lyrics. They put words to the unwordable thoughts. They rarely come out in context, as my heart has never been a fan, but instead the song just leaps forth from some unknown spring until I am immersed in the surety that within this ballad is the key to who I really am. It won't fit in the sentence the way it should, grammar will become a thing of myth, but I cannot get it out in my own words anymore.

I thought I knew what I was doing, and then I realized I didn't.
tell me
that we
belong together
dress it up with the trappings of love
i'll be captivated
i'll hang from your lips
instead of the gallows of heartache
that hang from above
"Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
My treasure has been in human affection for far too long and it has only served to wound me, then kick me while I'm down. I've been scared to death of dying here alone. But I don't think this is the way love was meant to be. It's the expressions of Your love I'm meant to seek after, not in-the-now, give-me-novacaine, insta-relief style "love." Unfortunately, I seem to have gone pro.

I'm also tired of being a stumbling block. That probably sounds egotistical, but I don't mean for it to be. When you think happiness, or college, or summer...I don't want you to think of a fling with me. I want something real. For you and for me.

I have spent the last several months searching for who I am. Every once in awhile, a song will catch me by surprise and I'll have a brief glimpse into what I'm supposed to see...that I am Yours. Brilliant, simple, overwhelming...and inconceivable. I can't grasp it. I know in my head that Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, which you'd think would include me, but it is just beyond my reach.

I want to surrender all to You, but I am still without the knowledge of how to do it. Please help me.
though i've tried to forget
You're all that i am
take me home
i'm through fighting it
broken
lifeless
i give up
you're my only strength