Slow Is Good...but Fast Is Better

We live in a world that pushes us forward, begging us to take the plunge and dive into whatever we most desire and to do whatever it takes to get it...sex, money, alcohol, drugs, power, fame, "happiness." And then we get hit with the double standard: when we, especially as women, give our all to get what we want, we're seen as conniving, pathetic, egotistical or slutty. We're taught in one breath to move as fast as possible for the ever-shifting finish line, and at the same time be prepared to hit the pause button at any moment and to somehow know when that should be. We're new at this, for crying out loud! I'm twenty-one years old, and I do not have this whole living thing figured out yet. I make a lot of mistakes, regularly, and at some point I need to stop apologizing for things. Some of the time, I'm really not sorry. And some of the time I'm even proud of myself. But for the rest of the times...I just need to change. Slowly. If I try to rush this part of the process, I'll really mess things up. I'm in way over my head, in ways no one even understands, but I think that if I go slow enough I'll be able to surface slowly and not burst my lungs from the pressure.

I have been bombarded all my life with conflicting messages, and they get harder to decipher every day. Relationships are the hardest. Always have been, probably always will be. It's at the top of the list for what I most desire, what I am most willing to sacrifice for, and therefore have the most power to hurt me. Go slow they tell me, as they throw images and story lines at me that tell me it's not possible to. Fast is the new slow. But fast love hurts just as bad as slow love, the potential for pain just comes more swiftly.

In the words of Brooke Davis, "Slow is good, but fast is better," but it begs the question "for whom?"