Dumped
Last night I dumped my imaginary boyfriend. He's not imaginary in the usual sense of the word, though. When children have imaginary friends, they play with them and pretend to see them and talk as if they're real. My difference, I guess, is that I know he's not real but I talk to him anyway. It gives me somewhere to vent and voice my feelings without actually having repercussions. And let's face it, he listens better than any other guy I know.
It was never over-the-top crazy or as if I thought I actually had a boyfriend, and I realize that I'm making it sound worse and worse by the second, but I've just felt really...un-heard lately. Even people who are paid to listen to me don't seem interested. And the solitude. Once talking to myself got old, I realized that an imaginary boyfriend was the best solution. Of course he would understand my point of view and still love me no matter what I'd done that day, and I'd never have to deal with all the messy parts of relationships.
I just realized I sound like the girl from that movie...you know, the one where she has an imaginary boyfriend? I was never to the point where I couldn't have a real one because the fake one told me I couldn't; I have never pretended to the entire world that he really does exist and everyone just happens to not be around whenever he comes by. In fact, this is the first time I've shared about this at all.
It was silly, childish, whatever else you want to call it. But it helped.
And now to why I dumped him. Lying in my bed, talking to him because that's better than conversing with myself, I realized that I just need to be okay when it's just me. No pretend man in my head, no real one by my side, and no just-in-case's for if I'm lonely. I hate being lonely...but I need to grow up at some point. Who am I when it's just me alone in the room? What do I think about? Who do I become? I need to really discover her, know her, bring her to the surface and to all situations before I can ever bring someone else into this mess.
So I dumped him, started a new journey, and went to sleep by myself...with the help of my Panda named Craig.
1 comment:
well thanks anonymous for that lovely information. I'll get right onto phoning those cheap phone sluts.
But Leanne this post totally reminded me of Lars and the Real Girl. I think we watched it last year at school. Or that other movie, I forget the name, about that girl who has an imaginary boyfriend cause of some psychological issue. Obviously you have neither of these problems but it reminded me of that. Good job at giving him up for the Panda named craig :)
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