Uno, Deux, Three

My favourite blogs usually start when I have nothing to say. Tonight is one of those nights.

I do my best thinking alone in my car (bathroom, bed), talking myself through life. Reliving the past, contemplating possibilities for the future and coming up with wishful ridiculousies for the present are some of my most cherished activities during these times. Tonight, I talked with someone (slash they weren't actually there, although I do think I could play them rather convincingly on stage if ever called upon) about the intricacies of love from my point of view. It took a lot of explaining, but I think he got it in the end.

Tonight was my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary. 50 of us gathered together to toast, roast, and (best of all) love on them. As the night wore on, more than once I caught them smiling into each other's eyes and realized that it takes more than luck to find a love like that. I was beyond happy for them, yet sad in a way I can't possibly describe.

As I explained my thoughts to my friend in the car on the way back to school, I realized some key things about myself. Uno: I am not crazy to be scared. Deux: It's probably all my fault. And three: I want someone to really see me before they love me.

The more I look around, the more I talk to God, and the more I converse with Invisibles, the more convinced I am that this has to be part of the plan.