Some Pages Turned

I should probably be studying right now. By "probably" I really mean: "I have a Hermeneutics midterm tomorrow that I haven't even over-viewed yet, I'm still weeks behind on almost all my reading and this weekend will be busy enough without this wasted-time's worth of homework on top of the workload I'll have anyways." I should really be studying right now.

Despite that, today has rocked me once again with wave after wave of realization. I cannot live my life around boys...men...people of the male gender who barely find time to remember me in theirs.

Sidenote: Our generation has had a cloak of uncertainty thrown over it that no generation has before. We are unable to define exactly when it is that we move from being girls to women, boys to men (no lame boy band reference intended). Especially as women, we seem uncomfortable using the term on ourselves or our peers, unless the one being referred to is our parents' age or older. Why this inadequate feeling? From now on, none of the above paragraph's stuttering. Men and women, the end. Unless, of course, I'm actually referring to someone under the age of 18 or a person who acts as though they are under the age of 18. In the case above, "boys" would probably do the trick nicely.

I cannot live my life around boys who barely find time to remember me in theirs. I say boys because real men aren't so foolish as to tell a woman everything she wants to hear but not to come through on the promises that accompany such proclamations. Or maybe I'm just a stupid girl who would rather believe in love and fall than to be jaded and resentful, spurning love before it ever has a chance to blossom.

I became sloppy with my heart again as of late, and I promise it will happen again. I cannot help myself. I will not die with a life only half-lived, and I cannot settle until I have and have been fully loved.



HATE
Originally posted: March 9, 2007

I hate the way I spend every casual moment looking for you.
It doesn't even make sense, and I thought I would've been over it by now.
I guess some things you simply never get over...