A Day of Epiphany

Today was a day of epiphany. Say it enough times fast and it's not even a word anymore.

For the last three days I have been sick with H1N1. Hooray for being a part of a global epidemic; a story to tell my grandchildren. The first night it wasn't quite as funny, however. Somehow, what with the huge news coverage, people's fears ringing in my ears and the way it has been talked about like the second Black Plague (as well as a disturbing scene from a super old re-run of Touched by an Angel that we won't get into), I was terrified and completely convinced that I was going to die in my sleep.

My mom asked me the next day why I was so afraid (and I already knew why she was asking: if I'm a Christian, what do I have to fear in death?), but I couldn't explain it. Part of it was fear for the people around me and what they would have to go through, but mostly it was knowing that my life still remains very much unlived. I spend 90% of my thoughts these days on the future and when things are finally going to slide into place.

And then the epiphany. I came back to school today, and within minutes lost my cell phone. I would occasionally hear it buzz from its unknown hiding place, but I couldn't find it anywhere. This in itself is a huge feat, as anyone who has lived in these dorms will know. My area of the room is about 5 feet square (being very very generous), so there's not a lot of places it could be. I checked everywhere obvious half a dozen times, checked the most ridiculous places twice just to be sure, and finally gave up. As I went to go back to whatever it was I was doing before my search began (possibly straightening my hair?), I saw it. Lying on the ground, in the middle of nowhere for no good reason, was my phone. And it hit me. I go out of my way to look for how God is going to handle my life. I do everything in my power, going around to the "obvious," hoping I will discover His master plan. It is not until I give up and surrender to going on with life as normal that I see what He's been doing all along. I cannot find what He's doing until I live my life with Him and find His purposes in it.

Maybe this isn't hitting you as hard as it did me, but I was blown away. Who knew that misplacing a cell phone could give me such a perfect look at God's heart for me?