We Could All Use a Little

Let's be honest for a moment. Let's take a good long look at "stuff," and be truthful in the face of a loss of depth perception. I think we could all use a little honesty.

I have run out of words: to describe how I feel, to put into the world something beautiful instead of always taking, to feel that I am doing something that matters. Everything used to be about words for me. How could I say something just right, so that no one would ever doubt me again? Is it possible to be right all the time? Obviously. But then I'd never have the satisfaction of being right, because I wouldn't know what it is to err.

I've run out of love. Wherever it was that used to produce x amount for me daily, weekly, monthly; for Him, for him, for her, for them, for me...that spot has run dry. And I don't know how to fill it back up again.

I'm completely out of ideas on how to be who I want to be again. Just when I thought it was all back together, it's not.

Honestly? Aloneness is a disease. It's a sickness that wakes me in the middle of the night, plagues my thoughts and corrupts my attitude. I don't want to be alone, live alone, die alone.

So here I sit. 20.6 years old, and I'm already scared to die alone. I FEEL LIKE I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME! The worst part? I don't know what I'm rushing to. I don't know what I'm running from. I am just a scared kid, and I can't break out of this rut!!!!


When we get down to it, we could all use a little bit of something. For me, it's honestly. I'm sure everyone has their own thing. But right now, honestly, it's honesty.

Where did it all go wrong?
I do not know.