Strange Tides

Something's changing. I don't know quite what it is, and pinning it down isn't coming easy...but it's something. Something is changing.

I have spent the last several years being scared to death of who I really am, of what will be if I just let go and be "me." What would that look like? Who would be staring back in the mirror? I have based my worth on the person who I've pretended to be, rather than on who I wish I could be.

Lately I've started looking at things in a new light. Instead of looking at an outfit and thinking, "What would people think, though?", I say, "Why not?" And I throw it on and go. I've also stopped trying to hide how I really feel on a subject. Do I really care if I offend someone on a subject that's not of huge consequence just because we share a slightly different viewpoint? No. And is it okay if my life doesn't turn out like the fairytale my childhood promised but my Jesus never said anything about? Absolutely.

I'm learning to let go of what doesn't matter and embrace the things that truly do. And if I let go of all this "doctrine" and focus on Him, I feel safer than when I "know all the answers." I love being insecure in myself so that I can be secure in Him.

The tides of me are changing. I'm still the same woman inside, but I'm finally letting her out for a breath of fresh air. She's been cooped up too long.