Drifting

That horrible letdown of defenses after a ridiculously long period of stress that leads to sickness.

I hate it. Being surrounded by the pressure of stress so tightly that, when it finally stops constricting, it still leaves me without breath.

I just watched a show where a boa constrictor was squeezing a guy to death, but they couldn't remove the snake because it had crushed his bones and if they did he would bleed out. The same thing that was killing him was also keeping him alive.

Ironic. One of the main stresses being removed meant letting go of the strict schedule that had kept me breathing. Now I have to reconstruct from the ground up all over again. I need to remind myself why I wake up in the morning instead of robotically going through the motions just to make it through the day.

There must be purpose beyond this.

Violet

violet makes me think violent

violently unfolding

I never wanted this

this is the way you make me feel

I've never wanted more

more time is what you said you need

but you'll never get there

there's this ache and I'm filling it

with more

more words, more hours, more truths

won't change anything

anything you say means nothing

if in the end it will only fade

fade away to black

and eventually back to violet