Go on and Get your Armour, Heart, because You're Going to Need It

Old nonsense. That's me.

Yet.

I feel able, capable.

Passionate! About things, about people, about the things that shouldn't matter but do and the things that don't matter but should.

I look into the future and only see brightness; a light at the end of the tunnel greater than I could have possibly imagined, in the words of someone speaking to my nine-year-old self.

There is hope again.

I know who I want to be, how I can get there, and a glimpse of what endless joys it will bring.

I will be honest. I will be trustworthy. I will be compassionate. I will strive to be a woman after God's own heart. I will be a woman of integrity. I will be a faithful, supportive, loving wife, and not just because those words sound good and are expected. I will choose to love and respect my husband, even when he disappoints me and does not love me the way he should. I will raise my children with all the care in the world, pouring into their lives and investing in who they will become. I will serve God how He asks me to, not how I think would best suit me. I will be a good enough friend to be upfront, putting everything on the line in order to help them be the best they can be. I will finish school. I will stop putting things off until tomorrow. I will stop loving the things that only break my heart. I will finish well.

The time has come for me to stop focusing on who I do not want to be and to turn my attention to the person I am endeavoring to become. I can be her, whenever I choose. I choose now.