The Month of Extremely Long Blog Titles Is not even Half-way Done Yet

There was this one time, in grade two, when I was on the teeter-totter with my best friend, Miranda. We used to try to bounce each other off the seat as hard as possible when we hit the bottom and the other reached the top. When we got our rhythm right, it was possible that both of us could be bounced at the top several times in succession. We were pretty darn good.

So this one day, we're doing our thing on the teeter-totter, and we've both been bounced at least a few times, when we realize that if we half let go of the handle and push ourselves with it, we can achieve higher liftoff. Which I did...right over the handles and into a smooth, face-plant landing on the central teeter bar. My tooth went through my chin and I still have a pretty sick scar.

Soon after, the totters were all taken away, never to be replaced.

Moral of the story: when you're sloppy with the things you have, they're taken away...whether you meant to break them in the process or not. And you usually break yourself, too.

I watched a lot of stuff today. I watched a movie about a devastatingly sad and heartbreaking, failing marriage. I watched more Grey's than I should have, and there was way too much goo. I watched my dreams and all the unrealisticness they had to offer.

And it put all these silly, fanciful thoughts in my head. Silly, but real. Fanciful, but what my heart actually wants deep down.

I want to be pursued, believe it or not. I want to be romantically swept off my feet. I want people to not approve and to whisper and to say we're too young and moving too fast. I want to get married while we still have no money and nowhere to live and I'm still in school and you're still doing whatever it is that you're doing which you hope won't last forever but might. I want people to think we won't make it so that when we do, the victory tastes even sweeter. I want to do crazy things, like bungee jumping naked because it's free, and move across the country on a whim because we'd rather obey God than social norms, and not strain for money as if that's what life's all about even though everyone we know will tell us that money is what life's all about, and spend Christmas with as much family as possible, and do jell-o shots together when we're 35 and old and we're way too mature. I want to have as many freaking kids as we feel like, and not care if people say we're not being sensible or not thinking about money again. I want to still have dirty sex when we're 40 and our kids are happier thinking we don't, and still do inappropriate things on ski lifts and in movie theatres and behind dumpsters at the baseball stadium and in moving vehicles when we're 70 and our grandkids would rather think that their parents were conceived by in-vitro fertilization. I want to fall madly in love with that someone who sweeps me off my feet, and to stick around even when I hate him and he doesn't deserve my love and I'd be better off without him.

I don't want perfect. I don't expect him to never screw up or to love all my flaws or to put up with all my crap. I don't want or expect or need perfect. I just need someone who's okay with all the crazy (see above if in doubt).

I don't want to be sloppy with the things I have. I don't want to break me or break anyone else. But, I do want to take crazy chances and try to boost myself and my love as high in the sky as possible...even at the risk that someone might get broken.

Oh, and I want my kids to learn horribly indecent things on the banjo.

...tink tonk tink tink tank tink