So Close, and Yet So Very Far

This isn't quite it, but it's almost the truck from my dream last night. In it (the dream, not the truck), God laid waste some of my biggest, most secret hopes, but also gave me the closure I've been longing for. How often do you get to say goodbye to someone and have them say it back without the repercussions of them remembering the time spent together? It was beautiful and heartbreaking, left me waking with real tears, but was exactly what I needed.

Today I got incredibly sunburned; it was so worth it. Lounging in the sun on a blanket doing homework, I remembered a day almost exactly a year before when I felt exactly the same, and, somewhere in the cavernous recesses of my heart, I knew that things were going to be just fine. Taking in the glow of the September afternoon, the world was suddenly transformed into something beautiful again.

Tomorrow I will probably awake to less peace than I feel right now, but that is okay. I will be able to look back on this entry and know that, at least for a second, my heart was happy to simply rest in God and trust that He knows what He's doing.

I feel as though I am dishonouring memories when I let go and the pain gets easier and easier to handle, but I am finally starting to realize that life must go on, or it will run along without me and I will be left with nothing. So bring on tomorrow, with all its pain and tears and mysteries and excitement. I'm ready. I don't know why and I don't know how I got here, all I know is this: I love God, He loves me, and in this moment that is all that matters in the world.