And Again and Again and Again...

I was reminded today that it is only God's opinion that matters. I'm going to keep that in mind as I try to describe what's on my heart.

I survived. The day I've been dreading for months came...and is already halfway gone. Sure I hyperventilated on the way home (for unknown reasons) and have had a strange aching all over my body since (it feels like I was beaten all over with a baseball bat a couple weeks ago, and can finally feel my limbs again), but despite all that, I am still the same person I was when I went to bed last night and I will not change. I will not waiver or falter.

I'm just going to be candid for a moment. This is not love. This is not remnants of love. This is knowing that love is gone and I am without it, and somehow the world is still spinning. I don't know why this is such a big blow, but I'm trying to take it in stride.

One more time to go, and then possibly never again. That might be what hurts the most. I'm losing my best friend all over again.