Nothing

There are no words to say, once again, to describe right now. Endless, spiraling thoughts? No. Bottomless pit? Cliche. Uncontrollable outbursts followed by indrawn frailty? Perfect.

I'm staring at a melted cream soda slurpee. Its bright bubbles shine in the faded light of the sink bulbs and it looks so lonely. Slurpee hunt with Emily turned into not knowing where we were going, followed by free slurpees because it was his birthday, and, to top it all off: SNOW! All while I was wearing a tank top. I love Canada.

I have a pile of books and movies taking over my desk. Why they're there and from whence they came? I know not. All I know is that nothing sat on my desk when there were better things to fill it with.

I haven't sat on my window ledge in awhile. Instead, I've taken to running over to the edge of the field too late at night with not enough clothes, staring out into the nothingness. The question: Is this where You are? Because I don't feel You the same anymore. Is this where I find the answers, in the wilderness? And the overwhelming answer always seems to be... "No." I've also forgotten shoes on occasion.

Tomorrow is church. I'm so glad Emily is coming. And tomorrow is back to regular devos. One day and I'm lost. Tomorrow is Youth Church and feeling at home. Looking forward is helping to fill the void that is here in the present.