Every day that I don't focus on God brings me that much closer to losing myself again.He has to be my focus.He has to be my everything.Nothing else matters.God, I seriously need You. Please remind me when I'm being stupid. Put my focus back to the right place. Amen.
Tonight, the Thailand team arrives home. At 11pm, Katie and I will make our way back to the school, where the fallout began, and take the hit one last time. My gosh, it's already been a month.
I am centered, I am focused, and where I once was lost I now am found. I am healing and regaining composure and learning to rise above that which only makes me weaker. I am so glad that they are arriving at night, or the sense of deja-vu would be frightening and ultimately too much to handle. I will never forget the loading of that bus or the sluggish pull-away moment. But tonight can fix almost all of that.
I don't want to drone on about this any longer. I am nearly whole again, and I don't want it to seem as if I am still holding on. I'm not. My hands are open, palms to the sky, and I have let go.
Every day brings me closer to something new, something more exciting than ever before. I spent years and years of my life dwelling on the past and forgetting to participate and enjoy the present, thus missing an integral part of my existence that I can never have back. I refuse to make that mistake again. I am focusing on today and all that God has for me. Yesterday is gone, and the memories are only that: reflections, echoes of what once was and can never be again.
There is no regret. And there is hope. Always hope.
