Am I More than You Bargained for Yet?

I

think I am finally in a place of accepting that it was not a mistake to come back to school this year.

have no desire to ever go to bed because as soon as I get in I never want to get out (and I want to be out).

love how things are constantly shifting.

am living in a constant state of trepidation over how this will all play out regarding my car and everything that goes with it.

thrill to think of how many people are actually in in my life this year and it gives me joy and hope.

do not yet know how I will spend my Christmas holidays, but I am not worried. No matter how I end up spending my time, the break will be worth it.

I am continuously nervous that I will just fall into one of those horrible situations that have plagued me the last few years. It's tiring to constantly be on the look-out for danger. I want the freedom of expression I have had when there is no fear. Ah, but that goes back to the whole passion dealio. I just sighed really big. Things will not get the better of me!

You Make the Darkness Disappear

I think I have been dwelling in darkness for a long, long time; in so many ways, on so many levels.

I have not been acting as one who lives in the Light. I have been so much better lately, but up until the last two months I was a mess of a hypocrite.

I was walking blind, consumed in a darkness that fogged my spiritual vision until I became nothing more than some sort of mythical, nighttime creature.

My desert (the constant picture of where my spiritual walk was at), though portrayed in bright sunshine, was its own kind of darkness; nothing but horizon and blue sky endlessly is darkness, too. No contact with other humanity is darkness.

I used to describe myself with words like "lost" and "without purpose." Time and time again, my chant rang out: "I don't know what to be without you around!" I felt honest-to-goodness alone.

But I feel found when You stand near. I know what I am when You are here. I know where I am, and my place in Your world becomes so clear. Who drives my soul? Only You.