29

The twenty-ninth of the month is always the most difficult for me.

I was watching Grey's Anatomy some day in the last week (it shouldn't be surprising that I don't remember which day; I watch Grey's every day) and one episode had a woman who came in because she had a heart attack. With testing and a little background search, they found out that she had come into the hospital with the same symptoms on the same day every year for seven years.

The why? The neighbour Ted had died that day seven years before, and she had been having an affair with him. They had been in love for over twenty years. Now, on the anniversary of his death, she literally came in with a broken heart against her will.

The twenty-ninth of the month is the same for me. It's not even that I hurt on the yearly anniversary; I am broken again once a month and don't even realize why until I check the date.

It's been almost five years. That's fifty-four months. Fifty-four "episodes." I want it to stop but I don't know how. Especially when people insist on using this day to break me on their own terms.

End rant.