Day 101

A warning sign. I missed the good part, then I realized...I, uh, I started looking and the bubble burst. I started looking for excuses.

I am on the brink of something. It is a big something. My fingers are poised and I know something is about to explode out that I was never expecting because how could I possibly when I did not even know it was there?

Come on in! I've got to tell you what a state I'm in. I've got to tell you in my loudest tones.

When I am about to write - as I have just realized by observing my hands and the way they arch over the keys - my fingers feel the keys, and then take off. It reminds me of watching wonderful piano players who get the feel and it suddenly all comes back to them. Maybe this is a good case for reincarnation.

I started looking for a warning sign.

I do not want to blog anymore. Thus, the warning sign. I'm in this bad. On one side I am forced to act like a 70-year-old because otherwise I will die; on the other, I am five. It is sucking the life out of me.

When the truth is, I miss you.

1. I want to sleep all the time.

Yeah, the truth.

2. Feeling would be nice. I would do a lot right now just to feel.

I miss you so.

3. I do not want to blog anymore.

A warning sign. You came back to haunt me and I realized you were an island and I passed you by; you were an island to discover.

It is so much from every side. There is no freedom here. FREEDOM. William Wallace, rescue me. Do not let me awake in years to come wishing I could come back to today and fight. Give me liberty, or death. There is no in between. <- Lie. This is the in between.

And I'm tired. I should not have let you go.

Why do you insist on torturing me? Maybe you do not see it that way, but I do. Where do you get off?! It is not...fair. I live in the realm of fair and die by it. Be fair. Give someone else a chance. Give me a chance to come up for air.

So. Yes, I crawl back. And I crawl back in. Yes. I crawl back into your open arms.