I'm feeling...squashed. Deflated. Let down, hard and fast. I thought I was doing better. I thought I was finally getting into the swing of things, healthy-style. Apparently not.
I do not have enough time in my life for a guy. I do not have the energy to get out of bed and be a human being before noon, let alone the immense energy it takes to keep a relationship afloat. I do not have enough smile in me to bring about the kind of reaction I was unaware is apparently happening. Apparently I do not know what I am talking about.
I don't like myself at all when I get to this place of every word being sarcastic because it's as essential as breathing for survival. I don't feel better, I make others feel worse to bring them down to my level. Who am I affecting by writing to a white screen? Apparently no one but myself.
The world just keeps spinning and I am slowing down again. I cannot keep up. I feel like if I just knew the right combination of words and actions and medications and energy drinks I would be okay. If I only knew, I could crack the code and be like everyone else.
Apparently I know nothing at all.
1 comment:
:( praying for you
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