I came on here with the expressed purpose of writing about the disaster that was the bookends of my weekend, but I think I will save that until the very thought no longer makes me angry. For now I will only touch on the in-between parts...you know, the stuff for which I was actually in Whistler.
The Pastor's Convention was not exactly what I expected. The first night we were there, they were honouring pastors who had been in the ministry twenty-five and fifty years. Fifty years! And there were quite a few in each category. It was incredible; when we talk about finishing well it is rare to be able to put a face to the ideal, but here we were in the presence of men and women who were walking it out. One couple in particular was so sweet, so loving towards one another, and yesterday I had the privilege of sitting with them during our sessions. They were so encouraging and supportive; I didn't feel like I had to pretend to be anyone for them, as they were delighted to talk to me exactly the way I am.
It was painful, too. It was so hard listening to such phrases as "passing the baton" and "raising up replacements" when I have never experienced it for myself. Any "legacy" I may have created for myself that I could have passed on to another was stripped away in a flash (no pun intended) in the Spring. On the other end of the stick, I have also been privy to leaders who have just such a legacy and cling to it with all their might; I have never had someone above me who wanted to pass on anything to me except what they considered to be superior knowledge. As each pastor was given a baton to pass on to someone as a sign of succession or just the passing along of wisdom, I felt a deep sweep of sadness and the most inexplicable jealousy. I do not know what to think of this most recent perceived slight. In the past I believed that if I was not given a mentor or someone who would take it upon himself to raise me up, it was because God wanted to do it Himself. Now I just wonder if there is something seriously wrong with me that no one ever commits to mentoring me longer than several days or as a passing comment, and pastors laugh at me whenever I say what it is I feel called to do with my life, either outright or silently with their eyes.
As one small plus which I am sure no one expected, least of all me, I have come to have a deep respect for this denomination...almost bordering on love. Crazy, I know. I may not agree with all their theology or all the expressions it may take, but something is definitely different.
So...where do we go from here?
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