For one class, Senior Seminar, I am reading a book entitled "Ordering Your Private World." I am usually not one for devotional books that aren't straight from the Bible, but so far four out of the five chapters I have read have hit me...hard. Today's was about being a called person as opposed to a driven person; someone who has an inner confidence from God that withstands storms versus a reliance on self that leaves a hollow shell which is easily crushed. Gordon MacDonald's example of a driven person is King Saul, while his idea of a called person is John the Baptist.
John has always been a man who intrigues me because he was so different - to be quite honest, he was really just such a strange one - and yet he was so full of tenacity and foundational knowledge of who he was and who he most certainly was not: the Christ. The Bible is clear that John was chosen for his purpose before birth and was filled with the Holy Spirit while still in his mother's womb, but beyond that we know nothing until he is about 30 years old. And where did God pick up such a man who would raise his voice to proclaim the coming of His Son? In the desert.
As soon as the phrase "why a desert?" came up, I was gripped by a fear of what I would find. A picture of myself? A new reason to loath where I am and who I am? A model of how to live that I have obviously not lived up to, or I would not still be in this dry and fruitless place? Here's a sample of what I actually found.
"Why a desert? Perhaps because in deserts people can hear and brood upon things not easily heard or thought about in busy cities, where people are usually hurried, surrounded by noise, and steeped in self-importance. ...God drew John into the desert where He could speak to him.... What can one learn in deserts? I am inclined to [avoid them because] deserts are hard places in which to live, physically and spiritually. But the fact is unavoidable: The greatest lessons are potentially learned in deserts if one, in the midst of struggle, listen's for God's call."
Wow, if. Maybe that's why I don't feel like I'm learning anything. And then there are the things we can learn in deserts:
"In deserts, one learns about dryness...[and] dependence upon God. ...Only a person who has suffered desert-like hardship knows what it is like to totally cast himself upon God because there is nothing else left. There is a bright side to deserts, however. Wilderness provides a place where one is free to think, to plan, to prepare. And then, AT THE APPOINTED TIME, like John, HE COMES CHARGING OUT OF THE DRY LAND WITH A MESSAGE, something to say that will expose hypocrisy and superficiality. Issues are addressed that cut through to the bottomless depths of the human spirit. And an age of people is introduced to the Christ of God. In the desert a person can be called."
I don't feel very called most of the time, and I rarely feel as though I am part of a preparatory time leading towards the day when I will lead a charge for His kingdom. I feel very, very small.
This picture was the closest I could find to "my" desert. That is about what it looks like in my head...just brighter sky, hazier horizon, and more emptiness than a picture could ever convey. I do not know if I will ever be truly ready to leave it.
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