Do You Want to Run Away Together? (aka 2010 in Blog Titles)

I like a lot of things. Pandas. My deodorant collection. Applying make-up. Hard liquor. Roadtrips. Statistics. Today is about statistics. I could sit for hours and put together facts that A) no one cares about, B) someone else has already spent their life putting together but I want to do it myself, or C) I will not even care about by the time I finish. Tonight's endeavor is a combo of A and C, but I've wanted to do it forever!

I have come up with a compilation of what 2010 looked like in blog titles. Useless? Absolutely. Took over an hour? For sure. Made me feel like I accomplished something? Thank goodness. Seven hours of Community is not enough of an accomplishment for the day.

So, here are some of my findings, favourites and funnies. Of my 157 blogs in 2010:

• 45.8% were song lyrics, nearly half of which were Taylor Swift and Lifehouse.
• 10% were just Taylor Swift. Wow. It probably doesn't help that 90% of time spent blogging involves her singing to me.
• Only 34% are my own words.
• More than 10% are songs I would never admit to having heard, ever, in my lifetime.
• Four were countdowns to major events.
• One quoted a webcomic.
• There were appearances from such movies as Sweet Home Alabama, Moulin Rouge and My Best Friend's Wedding.
• Longest running series: Colour Series (see April 2010).
• Favourite series ever: The Drowning Series (see May 2010).
• Favourite original title: "Sit Down, Take a Load Off and Make a Sandwich with Me".
• Favourite heretical title: "Doom is Imminent" (complete, of course, with a picture of the four horsemen of the apocalypse to depict life in Toronto).

Did I happen to mention how much I love statistics?

Other things I love:

• Lists.
• Gifts. I somehow had this idea for the longest time that it was not ladylike, proper or Christian to like gifts, but I adore them. Seriously.
• Hugs. The really good kind.
• Taylor Swift, and how she understands me even when no one else does.
• Hello Kitty pajamas.
• Eye contact.
• Debating theology.
• Audrey Hepburn. I have been missing out on her too long.
• Sunrises, and everything that goes with them. This includes, but is not limited to: coffee, danishes, blankets, that perfect moment, a hand to hold...and potentially a "distraction" that makes me miss the sunrise entirely (because it is so elusive) but is worth it in every way.
• Infomercials.

I should not blog at 2am. Lesson learned.

All in All

Now, with 2.633 hours of perspective, I feel that I am better able to do 2010 justice. Yes, there was a lot of school. A lot. But there was also so much more.

Much of it is in the dark (which led to such a mundane list yesterday), but the things that shine through are worth noting.

I ate a lot of instant noodles, be it in the form of soup, KD, or chow mien.

I lived in another basement, with very different people from last time. It held some of the best times, but I wouldn't go back.

I went on two roadtrips. One ended prematurely in Jasper, leaving us stranded and cold and hungry and alive. The other brought me through five states and five thousand kilometers in three days, and left me crying and praying and breathing again.

I checked, there were two car accidents this year. January and November. After January and the two roadtrips this year and one last year, November finally did in Cameron. Poor Cameron.

I had my heart broken enough to need several transplant surgeries, and then I broke my own.

I had front row seats to the demise of my personal civilization; everything I worked for, gone.

I have had the most wonderful year of seeing the most wonderful man. Please don't read too much into that.

I watched six seasons of Gilmore Girls (fourth time through) in less than two months, and watched countless other series from my bed, the smoker's couch, my creaky chair and my good chair. Oh the days.

I went to Toronto and made it back alive, despite many desperate phone calls, skype dates and tearful outbursts, which, at the time, suggested I would not be so lucky.

I fell in love with God again. Even without feeling Him. Then I lost it again. I am going to get it back again.

Heh. Right. I also survived. It is 2011 and I am still here.

The Upside of Ditching the Big Oh-Nine

I like blogging. I don't know why I stopped lately. Two in two days is brilliant, I think. Working backwards from the new year. At this rate, I'll be back in 1999 by the time school is back in.

Oh, yes. The upside:
- I already smile more.
- I like oddly even numbers. 2009 just didn't do it for me.
- I already have a movie date with my little cousin.
- Olympics are better than pre-construction to look better for the Olympics.
- Music is making more sense.
- Sleep and food are suddenly more becoming on me.
- I have a pile of candycanes and money on my desk and a (small) pile of new clothes on the floor, and nothing gets better than that.

Looking on the bright side seems like a better idea, too. I think 2010 has already made me smarter.

Welcome to the planet, Mr. New Year! Please be good to us as you take us hostage for the next 363 days.

Take a Deep Breath

It's 2010.

I don't really know what to make of that. Usually I do this on New Years' Eve, but there was no time. I like to reminisce; I like to think of all that I accomplished, all I am so glad I took a chance on, and all that I never want to repeat again.

I went to a party tonight that I didn't want to go to. I had a couple options, but I eventually chose this one because some of my closest friends would be there. Generally I don't really feel like I fit in with that group of people, but I decided to give it one last go. I wore my new green sweater (I had good feelings that good things were destined to happen in that sweater) and I went in just being myself. I wasn't trying to be who I thought I had to be to please them, I just went and...was. And I had the greatest New Years I can remember. It kind of makes me wish I had a lucky sweater for every day of the week.

I made a lot of mistakes this past year that have hurt a lot of people. But mostly I've just hurt me. I want to be different! I don't want to be this person I detest anymore. But words are easier than actions; ideals are simpler than bringing them to fruition. I don't know how to be better. I'm at the point where there's an impossible horizon somewhere in the distance, also called who and where I would like to be, but the mist is obscuring my vision. I'm stuck where I am.

This year was also full of so many beautiful things. And even now that they no longer are, I cannot bring myself to regret them. I want to give myself fully over to God's will; I think that those beautiful moments might stop being so rare. I miss Him. We were so tight, so in sync, and I let that go. I pushed, ran, hid, ignored, and lied to myself. I don't even remember the last time I opened my Bible. This is not who I want to be! This is not where I want to be! But the mist. It never ends.

It's 3 in the AM and a brand new year. I remember when I first heard that the Olympics would be in Vancouver in 2010. I was 15 and it seemed impossibly far off; an awesome picture of the future, but another thing that just never seemed like I would get to. Yet here I am. And I don't think I'm anything like who I thought I would be six years ago. That girl, at 15, expected great things out of me. I'm sure the last thing she would have ever imagined was a broke Bible college student with no solid plans for the future, still unmarried and taking a half break from the things I'm actually passionate about. She would have laughed. I'm not laughing. It's not that I mind being broke, because it's an awesome opportunity to trust God to carry me through; now that I'm here, Bible college isn't as bad as I imagined; and, I'm okay being single right now, because I definitely need a break. I just...I think I thought there would be more by now.

This next year holds a lot of promise. Most of it is up in the air, but I can't help but feel that this year is going to be good. Like with my sweater, I just have a feeling that good things will happen in it. This sudden optimism is puzzling and unfamiliar to the extreme. It feels so good.

I know that every day is a new day and a new chance to change things, but a new year just seems so much more...more opportunity I guess. I can look back over the year, sum it up, and work towards changing those things. I don't want to waste it.

Take a deep breath, Leanne. This is another chance to start over; this is the year you could finally be who you've always wanted to be.