22.8.09

Soup, Dreams and Restless Affections





I am in a good place. I don't have a lot of (or enough) money, but I don't care. School is starting soon and I'm thrilled like I never thought I could be again. And the world is laid at my feet.

But.

I am so restless. I can feel every nerve in my body standing on edge, waiting for excitement that just isn't coming. I want thrilling, daring adventure, and none is appearing over the horizon. Everything is the same, or some version of before, and I am alone. I want to be entering a new stage of life! Everyone around me seems to be getting married or having kids, and all I want to do is scream at them: "This is my dream, not yours! Go find your own!" I know that in a few days this will pass, but until then I am happy to soak in the depression of being without purpose. I can't tell you what a few months from now will bring, and that leads me to believe that at some point, something exciting will show up in the peripherals of my boredom and save me from a life of dull.

Tomorrow, I already know, will be a long day. All the Chinese food is gone. I just discovered that I can only escape to Rockband for so long. I need to go paint car wash signs. At the moment, this is all that my life holds. But somehow, I need to find it in myself to be content with where I'm at right now, because if I don't then I fear that even when I do have all I ever wanted I won't recognize it and will keep striving for more. So this is me throwing off the burden of restlessness and being happy with macaroni soup for dinner.

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