I should be writing a paper right now, but I am actually so bothered that I am incapable of doing so until I get this off my chest.
LEAVE ME ALONE.
I'm tired of this. Sick and tired. You have no respect for me whatsoever. You didn't then, and you sure as hell don't know. Don't feed me crap about caring or being sorry or whatever else you've come up with. This whole not talking thing is not ending any time soon. It's been months and I still don't think it's been long enough to feel enough of a gap between us. What exactly runs through your mind in situations like these? Options:
A) Maybe she's not mad anymore. I am. More so than I thought.
B) Because she won't talk to me, I'll send her cruel, lying messages when I look at her. I hated you lying before, and it's no more acceptable now.
C) Because she won't talk to me, I'll send her highly inappropriate messages through my eyes that I fully mean. Inappropriate. Keep your eyes to yourself.
D) As if I haven't made her life a living hell as it is, I will actively make it worse and bring up all her worst memories so that they are rubbed in her face at every possible opportunity. Ouch.
I don't know if any of these are true, maybe all of them are just speculation. If so, I do not want to know what the truth is. Or maybe at some point they're all true. If so...like I said, leave me alone.
I am not a grudge person in general, so these big emotions surprise and almost scare me. I thought I was beyond this. But then again, I thought you were too.
Ugh! Enough! I don't want to be like this anymore. I don't want someone else to control me even in the slightest. I want to move past this and get on with my life, without you in it. I don't know what else to say. Most of the time...I just pity you. That saddens me, possibly more than anything else.
A plea. You may never see this. But still, a plea. Just...leave me be. I am trying to heal, not just from you but from everything else life has thrown at me. Let me do that in peace. I cannot afford to feel this bad anymore.
Please.
