Christmas is now less than 23 days away. And once again, I find myself single.
This will be my fourth consecutive without-a-man Christmas. I'd far rather, times a million kabillion, be single over Valentine's Day than the holiday which takes over the entire last half of December. No other holiday in our culture takes up so much time, money or energy. 1/24th of our year (if you're a late shopper; if you're an early go-getter, then possibly up to 1/12th of your year) is consumed with gift picking and giving, cooking and eating, celebrating and wishing we could take back about ten pounds of celebrating (unless you're me). And there is nothing more depressing than being alone this time of year.
Everywhere I go, it's cute couples bundled up in poofy coats with pretty scarves and matching mittens. They cuddle and hold their mittened hands, while walking along the anywhere they might be, looking at Christmas lights and dreaming of the future. Yet while they look ahead, they also know that in this particular moment, there is no where else they'd rather be than in that second with that person.
I miss that. I miss the knowledge that no matter what goes wrong during the holiday season, whether family spifts or gravy that gives everyone food poisoning, there is that one person who wants to spend every moment of it with me. Wow.
Christmas is about the birth of Jesus. Ultimately, that is all. Our culture has transformed it into a whirlwind of media pressure to eat, buy and live a certain way. Yet in the midst of both polar opposites, there is a beautiful little space filled with vanilla-scented candles and God-centered carols and softly drifting snow, topped off with the constant surrounding of everyone who loves us. That is the place I dwell in.
Let me rephrase. Christmas is not about being attached, and is not based on having a significant other to attend all festive functions with. But the truth is...I'm at a place in my life where I want to be with the person I'm supposed to be with already. I want to be sharing all of this with him.
I love this holiday. I love everything it represents and all the warm fuzzies that go with it. I'm just so tired of waking up to the snow and not having a special someone to pummel snowballs at me, and then care enough to wipe it out of my hair.
There has been a lot of discussion going on around campus lately about the subject of soulmates. Is there any such thing? Is there really only one person on this entire earth for each of us?
Apparently this has been on lots of minds lately, especially because of outside expectations on us to find our significant other while at Bridal College. Being the ideal place to find a potential mate, the more commonly called Bible College has earned its alter-ego from the number of marriages which have come from meeting under the pretense of learning about God. Don't get me wrong, I have no doubt that all of us come for the same reasons: drawing closer to God and preparing for our ministries. The trouble comes with outside pressure to be hitched before the end of week one. Other comments on the topic are generally sarcastic as well; we cannot help feeling bitter towards the intense pressure put on us to immediately find "the one" and settle down with two and a half kids, a mortgage and a ministry in place just in time for graduation.
So back to the original question: do soulmates exist or not? Some will argue adamantly that there is no way that only 1 in over 6-something billion people on the planet is perfect for any one person. On the other hand, others will argue that there's a reason so many people are getting divorced these days: they're too hasty and just jump into marriage, rather than waiting for the person who is meant/created for them.
I have seen enough examples of failed or regretful marriages in my life to know that this isn't a choice to be taken lightly. And certainly not a choice that should be made within the first seven seconds of stepping onto the college parking lot, no matter how good the options may be.
My personal view is that God did create one person for each of us, who in a perfect world we would end up with, and everything would be perfectly dandy. We do not, however, live in a perfect world, and so we do not always end up with the one created for us. Because sin gets in the way and our own selfish desires mess up what might have been, we make choices that inhibit us from receiving what could have been ours. Aside from that one person, I think there are a handful of people that we could be perfectly happy with, and these are often the people we end up with. Although they may not be our perfect other half, they are more than capable of making us happy, and vice versa, and will be more than able to build a satisfying life with us. And then, there are the thousands upon thousands who we might look at, and at first glance appear to be a favourable candidate. However, this is just an initial impression, but we are more than willing to jump straight into a long-term relationship, get hitched, and THEN realize that they may not be who we thought they were all along. Suddenly, it's the D-word and heartbreak runs rampant in all lives involved. Divorce. The big, ugly breaking of a soul-binding relationship that steals love and life from children who aren't at fault but are dragged through the mud by parents who (hopefully) have the best intentions.
Yes, I am cynical. No, my parents haven't split up so I haven't personally been through the situation. But I am a huge believer in true love, the kind that transcends the moments when passion fails and the warm fuzzies go away. If love is based on physical attraction, then I want nothing to do with it. I firmly believe that once you choose someone, your choice is made, and you do your absolute best to make sure that it works. Of course there are exceptions. Infidelity and abuse are more than good enough reasons to end a marriage; a dry season is not. Second thoughts or wondering about a former flame are not. Marriage and commitment are thrown out the door so quickly these days that it makes my head spin. Where did the sanctity of vows go? What happened to "for better or for worse?" What happened to pushing through until death, because you know beneath it all that you really do love them, despite it all?
I don't believe that there is only one person we can be happy with, only one person to share this life with, or only one person who we can build a home and a family with. I do, however, believe that there is only one person who we would be perfectly compatible with. And I do believe that it is a choice, but that the choice made is sacred and to be upheld. Maybe I'll change my mind one day. Maybe I'll be in such a state of anger and hurt that I will no longer want to continue the fight to stay afloat with the one I chose for my life. But for now, I am more than fine with standing on the foundation that marriage is of worth, love is a decision, and that it is so important to choose wisely.
So here I sit in Bridal College, feeling pushed and prodded towards commitment ASAP, but I'm not giving into the peer pressure. I'm more than willing to wait for the one I was created for, and to trust God that in His perfect timing it will happen.
