If You Just Realize What I Just Realized

Today has been a day of introspective thought. Many things in, several things out, and most of it just circling around and around inside.

I'm getting back into a good place. Finally. But I'm still in want of some things. I still miss others. This is prep time; this is the period before things in which things still happen, but I am left waiting on the other things which may never happen.

I want to be content. I also want so much more than where I'm at right now.

I cannot find the words. The answer I need is still in someone else whose ears no longer accept questions or otherwise. And my future is all wrapped up in unknown. C.S. Lewis told me that the future is the furthest thing from heaven. I need to live now if I ever hope to get to a new now.

Indigo

If life were a rainbow,

you'd be red

At the top of my priorities,

the colour of my heart

And just in case you make me bleed,

you'll already have it down

I would be indigo

The colour forgotten,

the shade no one can quite pin down

The one that washes skies,

pours down cheeks,

and laps at my feet dangling off the dock

One day

you might happen upon me by mistake

Once you finally get past the few in between,

orange and yellow and grass and sky,

but not eager enough to skip me entirely

Then you'll finally see me

and wonder what took you so long